If You Knew…

If you knew when you would draw your last breathe, would you do things differently?

Would you spend your time wisely ?

Would you stop giving time to those or things that don’t matter?

What would you do if you knew ?

The truth which we all know already, we don’t know when we will die.

I was married for 10 years and considered his family like mine. After the divorce I stayed away from his family. The time that I spent with them were unforgettable. The in laws were like brothers and sisters, close friends growing up together.

Shamefully I didn’t try hard enough to stay in their lives after I left. I couldn’t face them. I was ashamed of how I ended things. I knew they were hurt, upset, disappointed and mad at me. Or at least that’s what I imagined.

I kept in touch with a text here and there. Also 1 or 2 unsuccessful attempts to meet up. That was pathetic. I was a coward.

Two years passed since my divorce and it only took 1 tragic event for me see them again. Their mom passed away.

She loved me like a daughter. Cared for me. Fed me and clothed me. She never yelled at me nor lectured me. She didn’t even say one word to me when I left. I am now filled with regrets. I didn’t get to show her how much I appreciated her. How much I loved being her daughter. And how much I loved her.

I put aside the doubts and the what if’s. I wanted to be there for them because they were more than just my in laws. They were my friends, my brothers and sisters.

There was no hatred, no anger, no resentment and no bitterness…

All I received was warm welcomes filled with hugs.

I had always dreamt of this moment. Never did I think I would see them under such tragic circumstances.

If I could turn back time, if I had known, if only I could, I would.

I am so happy and thankful for such a blessing and so sad.

Life is definitely too short to stay mad. Time doesn’t stop for anyone so please, please if you are mad at someone you love and care about, stop. Make amends before it’s too late.

It was too late for me to show her, but it wasn’t too late to make amends with my brothers and sisters.

May her soul Rest In Peace. Tell her she is loved and will always be remembered.

1 year later…

We all start somewhere. Everyone is on their own journey. Be damn proud of your accomplishments; big or small. Bask in the glory and keep going.

Going to the gym has really helped me grow and change my prospective of life. It taught me self discipline. It taught me self love and acceptance. Everyday I am still growing and learning. Thank you for the blessings God.

My gym intimidation

Gym intimidation. It can be scary walking into a gym not knowing what you are going to do and that is totally fine. It took me awhile to get use to going to the gym. It’s like learning how to ride a bike, learning to read or just learning anything new. You have to keep going. People go to the gym for different reasons. No one is there to judge you. They are too busy focusing on themselves.

I remember my communication professor telling us, her students, not to be nervous about giving our presentation. “When you are giving your presentation  to the the audience, the chances of them noticing you being nervous is small. They are going to be too busy thinking of their own presentation.” I did not believe her at that time but now I do. So Mrs. Cooper, if you see this then you are right and I miss you!. I don’t know if i had mention it already but she is the best teacher I have ever had in college. 

If you want to dress up, put on makeup or make a ritual before going in then so be it. Do what works for you to get those gains. When I first started going I would put on makeup because it made me feel good about myself. Now I don’t as often because I realize that when I sweat my makeup would drip down my face and some would go into my eye ( it hurts really bad).  I still wear it here and there for myself. Bottom line, do what makes you comfortable.

I also have my head set as well. I turn on my music and I just focus on what I’m doing.

I use to be worried about other people judging me and what I’m doing because I had no idea what I was doing. I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing honestly. The only difference now is that I am comfortable. The more comfortable you are the easier it will be.

This was my experience with gym intimidation. More to come about gym life. I would love to connect with people that are going to the gym. been going or started or just wanted to or one of the above.We all start somewhere. We all have our own journeys. Let’s empower each other and motivate each other. Okay?

Remember when …

When I slapped two pieces of bread, meat and mayo and made us sandwiches? We also had hot lays so we added that in it as well. Best sandwiches ever. You laughed at me. I can’t remember if it was because I looked silly or something else. Priceless moment of many I created with you.

So often we are caught up in “life” that we forget to be present and really enjoy everything we have. I would give anything to relive this moment with you and many others. Would I do things different if I knew I would end up here ? No because meeting you was a blessing.

There’s just something about dancing in the open that warms my ❤️ up. Don’t you feel the same way?

Note to self and to everyone else: don’t forget to live in your moments and really make them yours because you never know when it will be the last one.

I announced it, now I have to really do it…

Excuses, excuses and more excuses. They were not excuses, they were reasons. I chose not to do that because I had so much going on in my life that I could not take on another task. My emotions were like a roller coaster ride. People on the outside would look in and would not understand unless they knew what was happening behind the closed door.

But when you are in a good enough space where you can do something good for yourself, go for it. Take small steps. Little accomplishments will lead you in a new direction. If you want to go back to school, go back! If you want to live a healthier life style, start today! If you want to love again, love yourself first…

It’s never too late to do something good for yourself. For me I will be looking into going back to school. I want to further my education. I want to fill myself with more. I loved pharmacy tech but I just lost my passion for it along the way. I love the people part but the job itself is just not enough for me. Its okay to want more in life. I always tell people to never settle for less then what they think they deserve. But remember, nothing great comes to those who don’t work hard for it. I will be working hard on my relationship with myself and leaving the rest to God.

I’ve been speaking a lot about him because he was there when I was alone. He was the one that answered my prayers. He was the one that blessed me with such love and warmth. He is the reason why I have hope and faith today. Never have I in my entire life ever felt this way about him.

This is simply me, Ka.

P.S.

My shiny knight
Not only did God save me and surrounded me with support, he brought her into my life. I can’t express how thankful to have met you Ms. You are truly an angel from above. I pray that he will give you everything your heart desires because you are my savior. I will repay you one day for the kindness you have given me when I had no one. I will do it with more than just sending flowers to your office. I love you and pray that we will see each other again in the future.

 

 

Gym with my ex-husband’s girlfriend and her best friend’s husband!

No it’s not weird one bit.

Yes it was awesome!

Yes we will be going to gym tomorrow again!

We smashed it hard and laughed harder.

Trust in god, he has a funny way of working things out.