If You Knew…

If you knew when you would draw your last breathe, would you do things differently?

Would you spend your time wisely ?

Would you stop giving time to those or things that don’t matter?

What would you do if you knew ?

The truth which we all know already, we don’t know when we will die.

I was married for 10 years and considered his family like mine. After the divorce I stayed away from his family. The time that I spent with them were unforgettable. The in laws were like brothers and sisters, close friends growing up together.

Shamefully I didn’t try hard enough to stay in their lives after I left. I couldn’t face them. I was ashamed of how I ended things. I knew they were hurt, upset, disappointed and mad at me. Or at least that’s what I imagined.

I kept in touch with a text here and there. Also 1 or 2 unsuccessful attempts to meet up. That was pathetic. I was a coward.

Two years passed since my divorce and it only took 1 tragic event for me see them again. Their mom passed away.

She loved me like a daughter. Cared for me. Fed me and clothed me. She never yelled at me nor lectured me. She didn’t even say one word to me when I left. I am now filled with regrets. I didn’t get to show her how much I appreciated her. How much I loved being her daughter. And how much I loved her.

I put aside the doubts and the what if’s. I wanted to be there for them because they were more than just my in laws. They were my friends, my brothers and sisters.

There was no hatred, no anger, no resentment and no bitterness…

All I received was warm welcomes filled with hugs.

I had always dreamt of this moment. Never did I think I would see them under such tragic circumstances.

If I could turn back time, if I had known, if only I could, I would.

I am so happy and thankful for such a blessing and so sad.

Life is definitely too short to stay mad. Time doesn’t stop for anyone so please, please if you are mad at someone you love and care about, stop. Make amends before it’s too late.

It was too late for me to show her, but it wasn’t too late to make amends with my brothers and sisters.

May her soul Rest In Peace. Tell her she is loved and will always be remembered.

I announced it, now I have to really do it…

Excuses, excuses and more excuses. They were not excuses, they were reasons. I chose not to do that because I had so much going on in my life that I could not take on another task. My emotions were like a roller coaster ride. People on the outside would look in and would not understand unless they knew what was happening behind the closed door.

But when you are in a good enough space where you can do something good for yourself, go for it. Take small steps. Little accomplishments will lead you in a new direction. If you want to go back to school, go back! If you want to live a healthier life style, start today! If you want to love again, love yourself first…

It’s never too late to do something good for yourself. For me I will be looking into going back to school. I want to further my education. I want to fill myself with more. I loved pharmacy tech but I just lost my passion for it along the way. I love the people part but the job itself is just not enough for me. Its okay to want more in life. I always tell people to never settle for less then what they think they deserve. But remember, nothing great comes to those who don’t work hard for it. I will be working hard on my relationship with myself and leaving the rest to God.

I’ve been speaking a lot about him because he was there when I was alone. He was the one that answered my prayers. He was the one that blessed me with such love and warmth. He is the reason why I have hope and faith today. Never have I in my entire life ever felt this way about him.

This is simply me, Ka.

P.S.

My shiny knight
Not only did God save me and surrounded me with support, he brought her into my life. I can’t express how thankful to have met you Ms. You are truly an angel from above. I pray that he will give you everything your heart desires because you are my savior. I will repay you one day for the kindness you have given me when I had no one. I will do it with more than just sending flowers to your office. I love you and pray that we will see each other again in the future.

 

 

Gym with my ex-husband’s girlfriend and her best friend’s husband!

No it’s not weird one bit.

Yes it was awesome!

Yes we will be going to gym tomorrow again!

We smashed it hard and laughed harder.

Trust in god, he has a funny way of working things out.

In the end…

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@ Korean Friendship Bell

I told myself that I would not write about you.

I told myself that I would grieve silently.

I told myself this and that.

I listened to my love ones over and over again telling me the same thing.

But in the end, I still miss you.

In the end, I’m not with you.

In the end, I still love you.

And I pray that God will answer your prayers like how he answered mine.

I pray that the steps I take today will bring me closer to us.

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 Someone once told me its okay to blog about the sad stuff too…
[I will cherish the sweet memories we made and learn from the bitter ones. Life is not always full of sunshine and smiles. Life at times are filled with tears, heart breaks, the feeling of hopelessness in other words it feels like shit. I allow myself to grieve. I will stand and run again. I will allow this to empower me. 03062019]